The Dastardly Dollar Bill Art of Lord Thayer

Hello, my name is Thayer Helu, and I'm here to share my ever-expanding collection of dollar bill art, henceforth known as "dollarts".

Before we begin, I'd like a second to set the record straight: I do not deface any property of the Federal Reserve, nor would I ever do something as brazen as making a blog about it if I did; I find all of these on my commute to work. If that seems implausible to you, I would ask you how you manage to fit 30 feet of small intestine in your stomach.

And now on to the show.

First one in almost a year. The banished prince regains his honor with the new Fire Lord series bank notes. Flameo, hotman!

I’ve really been itching to make find a new dollart lately. I think i’m going to get back in the game soon. Thanks to everyone who has liked/reblogged/told their friends about my page!

Lincolnborn, Lincolnborn, by his honor is sworn into office. Few tales have more more humble beginnings than that of the Lincolnborn.

Sentenced to a scoundrel’s death, he achieved freedom by an act of fate, and would continue on to lead the country during the Civil War between the Confederate Stormcloaks and the Empirical Union. History often overlooks (and rightly so) how, upon being free, he went on to steal countless pots, pans, and brooms before realizing how worthless they are.

Although the Lincolnborn quickly rose to the top of the American Government Guild, he would never get to fulfill his fabled destiny, having died in the Ford’s Theater dungeon, and losing his save file to corruption somewhere along the way (one of the MANY bugs during his Presidency.)

So I found this dollart and thought to myself, I thought “you know what? this would be somewhere between a terrible and amazing, or maybe even pretty good and not bad at all birthday present for my good friend Chris Hawkins’ 23rd day of birth.”

Happy birthday Brother Eagle.

This one is based off of a Fox Kids television series (which is based off of a comic book, go figure) that I have enjoyed both as a kid and as an adult called The Tick. Our artist must have done this one as a belated Christmas present to me, based on the content and the fact that I’ve never seen him make one so soon after making another!

..Now that I look at it though, it does seem kind of sloppy and lazy compared to some of the others. Maybe it’s no present at all, but a fulfillment of some kind of self-induced yearly quota for himself. Merry Christmas to me.

Name: Benjamin Franklin

Strengths: Inventing, chess, Dark Arts.

Weaknesses: His illegitimate child, Depth perception, that guy that played Dr. Who one time.

(Editor’s note: Apparently brown does not play well on these. I’m thinking our artist might revisit this one if he ever gets his hands on a 2011 series $100 bill.)

We haven’t seen much activity from our artist recently, but it seems he’s plotted a faith-leaping comeback in honor of one of this year’s biggest releases: Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. 

Now, clearly Booth was a Templar—one need look no further than this stunning, historically accurate picture for proof of that—but this begs the question: the Kennedys: Assassins or Templar? Something else to fathom, if your feeble mind can process this without being utterly crippled, is whether or not the bald eagle was truly a guardian of one of the Golden Apples, and is this information tied to their near-extinction in the late 19th/early 20th century? 

This one is in honor of our first augmented President who was at the forefront of the Human Rights Revolution. It’s just a shame that no one could ever capture his essence without portraying him bursting through random windows and glass panes; surely a sign of this tumultuous time for Augs.

Here we have Steve Zissou (sometimes known as Stevesie) and the Jaguar Shark of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou fame. I’m going to go ahead and presume that our artist, being the super smart, ultra awesome, likely good looking virtuoso that he is, knows that Steve’s beanie isn’t the one with the traffic light on it, but decided to go with that one just to add a little more character. I think he did Esteban proud.

Taking off his scouter during Our American Cousin was the last mistake Lincoln ever made.

Surprised I didn’t make a “dollaaaaarrrrt” pirate joke just now? Yeah, me too. This post is now that joke, and this is something you are going to allow.

Not content to continuously do masked superheroes and video game characters, our artist is getting a little out of his comfort zone here, and it shows. I hope that you will be able to tell by looking at it, but this dollart is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow. I think the back is supposed to say “In Booty We Trust”, but the marker from the front bled through too much making it almost undecipherable, so I decided not to photo it. This idea comes courtesy of Janna Bradt.

Not content to continuously do masked superheroes and video game characters, our artist is getting a little out of his comfort zone here, and it shows. I hope that you will be able to tell by looking at it, but this dollart is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow. I think the back is supposed to say “In Booty We Trust”, but the marker from the front bled through too much making it almost undecipherable, so I decided not to photo it.

This idea comes courtesy of Janna Bradt.

The Black Mage of Final Fantasy fame, this time in particular from Final Fantasy Tactics. Typically, these guys have completed blacked out faces and cute glowing yellow eyes, not unlike a Jawa from Star Wars. 

Here’s a little trivia for you: the line “And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air” in “The Star-Spangled Banner” refers to Alex’s vicious fire balls and lightning bolts. He ran out of MP after the first stanza. 

This dollart features our 16th President as everybody’s favorite Madalorian and intergalactic bounty hunter: Boba Fett. Lincoln was likely chosen because of the irony of having a helmet that has clearly deflected a gun shot—a feature Lincoln’s top hat simply could not match. 

Our artist generally tries to incorporate a noticeable amount of the original portrait into the drawing, but it didn’t seem to work out very well this time (although if you look,  you can see Abraham’s right eye through the visor.) Also worth noting is that the coloring is a bit different on this one, and it incorporates more than one shade of the color green, implying that our mystery artist might have finally gotten tools of his own.

This one is based off of the Blue Ranger from the original, American Power Rangers series, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. You can see that the mouth was left untouched, creating a pretty convincing mouth-piece for the helmet. The original Blue Ranger was a brainy teenager (with attitude) named Billy, who was extremely ashamed when he got a “B” on a report card—a trait that I’d like to think Alexander Hamilton would share. Billy created a lot weapons and gadgets for the team, but eventually left to live with an aquatic alien Power Ranger that he fell in love with; a plot twist so absurd, I decided to make the image above link to a picture of her when you click it, to help drive the point home. Hamilton died because of a duel with Aaron Burr in 1804. Badass.

This one is based off of the Blue Ranger from the original, American Power Rangers series, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. You can see that the mouth was left untouched, creating a pretty convincing mouth-piece for the helmet.

The original Blue Ranger was a brainy teenager (with attitude) named Billy, who was extremely ashamed when he got a “B” on a report card—a trait that I’d like to think Alexander Hamilton would share. Billy created a lot weapons and gadgets for the team, but eventually left to live with an aquatic alien Power Ranger that he fell in love with; a plot twist so absurd, I decided to make the image above link to a picture of her when you click it, to help drive the point home. Hamilton died because of a duel with Aaron Burr in 1804. Badass.